Summer Wishes

This time of year, I often write about the heartaches of summer as well as the excitement. It is important, for me, to remember and realize that the majority of my students struggle in the summer and on long breaks. A few years back I switched from my typical, "are you excited for summer?" question for students to a more appropriate one for my current student population: "how are you feeling about summer coming up?" With the former question, too often, I would get a negative response that surprised me when I first started working with a higher poverty population. Now, I can say that I am beginning to understand, though I will never truly understand. 

My hope for these students this summer is that they are able to relax, stay safe and find some love this summer. My hope is that they are able to laugh and play outside. My hope is that their choices throughout the summer reflect their hopes and dreams rather than their fears. I have to go into the summer believing that they will be in good hands and that the enrichment they received from staff all year will carry them through the summer. 

Now it is time to rejuvenate, prepare, learn and grow so that way I can come back next school year better than the last. 

Moments of Magic.

Where we focus our attention is such a critical piece of the puzzle of life... BUT, it's not often something we really think about.

This morning, after listening to the news where I was told that it was very chilly outside, I was a little disappointed. It was, in fact, chilly and I'd still need my winter coat. But when I went outside I realized that the sky was clear, the air was so fresh and crisp, and it was the most beautiful morning! I almost let the weather-lady taint my view of the day! If I had done that, I would have not stopped dead in my tracks to enjoy the calm of the water on the lake, the peace of the air and the silence that often accompanies the early mornings.

How do we shift our attention to more positive things if we are struggling to see the good in anything or tend to have negative mindsets regularly? The more clearly we focus our attention on small wonders and lovely realities, the less negativity that surrounds us. We raise our vibration or energy level to meet the goodness all around. Here's to a weekend/week ahead of raising that energy level and focusing in on all of the moments of magic!

Sometimes we all need a "pick me up"

I have a few people in my corner lately who could use a message of resilience and strength. Often, especially lately, I have pondered that ever present phrase, "everything happens for a reason." There are times when I love this phrase, and times when I hate this phrase. Is it true? How do we know? I tend to "just believe" it when I'm feeling more optimistic. Then, there are days that aren't as bright so I do not always believe the phrase, or even want to hear it at all. 

Today, I needed to remind myself to step back and smell the roses. Through even the toughest of times, there are always opportunities to bloom. Choosing to bloom is the tough part! How can I help those around me who are struggling to bloom? What is the best way I can be supportive? I worry that I am not enough to help, but hope that I am enough to get them started. Here's to hoping!

Fear.

I just started a new book about the process our brains go through after trauma and what this looks like throughout a lifetime. There is a lot to it and this makes it even more terrifying to raise a child! I thought this little reminder about fear was a good one to remind ourselves when it seems like things are too difficult sometimes.

Thankful.

A fellow educator said something to me this week along the lines of, "I hate March. I just hate this month. It reminds me of.... " Now, I completely understand this chain of thoughts. There was a time when I never thought I could ever function again in the month of August or never go through "the 18th" of any month without wishing for another circumstance. However true that was, for a time, it was not something I wanted for my lifetime. I remember someone once telling me, "you can't hate every Monday, because if you do, you're wishing away 1/7th of your life!" That really hit home. So true. If we write off Mondays, or certain dates or entire months, then we are certain to have negative things continue during those times. We only see what we are looking for. I think, for my own sake, I need to write that again. We only see what we are looking for.

Today, through the head cold and craziness of testing season, I'm going to choose to be thankful. To shift my perspective and see only what I am thankful for. Yes, this may mean others think I am too positive (that has actually happened) or that I'm not being realistic (that too), but I believe it will simply make my day. Today, I'm thankful for this crazy life.

What is really important?

There is a lot of hype during testing season, especially in a K-12 building when ALL of the state tests have to be considered. Forward, NAEP, Aspire, ACT, etc. All of these things are rolling around in my brain right now! Worrying about accommodations for each test, how to pack the boxes for some, which students are sick or injured, and on and on... Do they not understand that I was dealing with major mental health/suicidal things with students just last night? And now testing? It makes me stumble back and wonder what is really important here?

Our school districts are judged based on test results, and funding can potentially be at stake. This is important, yes. But is all of this testing and test prep and stress really that important? I have been writing about my educational philosophy lately and when I write the common theme is ALWAYS about relationships. Relationships are the building blocks of helping students develop their futures. Relationships are key to creating collective efficacy among teachers and helping them to realize that their own perceptions of student achievement have more to do than almost anything they do throughout the day.

This is why I love being a counselor. I really feel like I get to focus on relationships .... when the job doesn't call for testing that is. And off to the testing grind.

Attitude Diet

If you haven't heard of Dr. Alan Zimmerman, you might want to consider looking him up. He has some great tips and tools for living our best lives. This week I am "on a diet." Well, not really, I don't do diets well. But this is different. It's an attitude diet. All credit to Dr. Z, but take a look at it below! It has created some great conversation at home, and my husband (and even my intern) are doing it with me. Today is day five for me and I've caught myself several times speaking in the negative! I think I need more Day Fives to get better at it. Best of luck to you on your diet!

Here it is:

Day 1: Feed Your Mind

Consciously feed your mind positive inputs. Read inspirational stories of people who have overcome great difficulties. Listen to motivational recordings. Fifteen minutes of this input will get your week off to a great start.

Day 2: See All the Good around You

Open your mind to all the wonderful things that happen around you. Take time to notice and appreciate them. Write down fifty wonderful things that happen to you on Day 2. Include everything, even the smallest things — such as finding a quarter on the sidewalk or receiving a cheery “Good morning” from a stranger on the street.

Day 3: Speak Words of Gratitude

Thankfulness lifts your spirits and builds your relationships. So take a walk outside and say out loud “Thank you ... Thank you ... Thank you” a thousand times. Whether you verbalize your thanks or simply think about the things for which you are thankful, whether you tell someone face-to-face or say it privately in your prayers, you need to verbalize your thankfulness. It’s one of the best things you can do for yourself, as well as for those around you.

Day 4: Think Positively About Yourself

Affirm yourself. Your affirmations can be as simple as “I like myself ... I believe in myself ... or ... I can do it.” Say them to yourself dozens of times throughout the day. They may be the most important words you’ll ever practice. And the more you say it the more you’ll feel it, believe it, and be it.

Day 5: Speak Only the Positive

Discipline yourself to speak only the positive—at least one day every week. Go out of your way to talk optimistically about everything – your job, your customers, your manager, your children, your health, and your future. Look for something you like and comment on it. Cut all the negative comments out of your conversations. It may the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but it will eventually put you in control of your attitude.

Day 6: Do Positive Things for Others

On a regular basis, but especially on the 6th day of your diet. It will give you the “Helper’s High,” which is the greatest of all stress relievers. When you help others, you get an immediate sense of warmth, energy, and euphoria, and you get a calmer sense of well-being long afterwards.

Day 7: Try Something New

Monotony destroys optimism. If you don’t use your brain and body in different ways occasionally, you will get old and negative very quickly. So on Day 7, try something new. Go to a museum. Interact with someone from a different generation. Walk through a new neighborhood. Check out a new shop. You’ll be surprised by how these activities can lift your spirits.

Love empowers.

This quote speaks for itself. How often do we come into a situation with a student and have our own preconceived notions about the family or the student alone? A fellow counselor was telling me this week that her new principal starts out all student concern meetings with her staff like this: "We are all here to support this student no matter what. This is a reminder that we will not talk about a child's family unless we are talking about how the family can help support the child." It was something to that effect. What a great way to shift the conversation toward the positive and also away from things that we cannot control.

What about love? Can simply loving someone help to empower them to become the best version of themselves? I hope so. I think so. I believe so.

People are good.

Sometimes we need others to help prompt us along into a more positive mindset or a shift in our energy. I do believe that the people in our lives are there for a purpose. Yesterday my administrator, after a while of chatting, finally said, "okay, now tell me something more positive." It was a good wakeup that I needed to shift my entire mindset. I had several things happen that morning that shifted my vibe, so to speak, and I was letting it get to me. What a great thing to have a leader who asks the right questions. 

Another time I needed a shift was a few years ago when I was in the doctors office. There were a lot of things going on in my world when I noticed the picture and poem below on the wall. What a perfect reminder that I am on my way - as a school counselor and as a human. We're all evolving, right? I'm working on it! 

Today, after working really hard this morning to make sure I was off on the right foot, I had a few more reminders. One student, when talking about how they spent their new years eve said this: "Sometimes if I can, I stay up late until midnight and me and my brother stand on one foot. Then we know for sure that the new year is going to start on the right foot!" I loved this! Right after, I came back to my office to an email (shown below) that really made me reflect on all the good in the world. People are good. This world is good. I needed some positive reflection and a positive resolution to start this year and I am eternally grateful for those who give me the little shoves I need to do so! What is your resolution this year?

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"It's been a while since my last email. I hope things are going well for you at work and at home. This might seem weird, but you are part of the group of people I pray for every Friday morning and during my time this morning, God prompted me to reach out to you.

I read through several different things this morning trying to figure out what God wanted to say to you through me. Nothing was registering. Then as I was packing up my laptop I ran across some of my old scribblings on a crumpled up half sheet of paper. Among several things written in black ink was the following written in blue ink:

"Don't promote to leaders someone who hasn't shown to be a good servant."

I've admired your servant spirit from the very first time we talked on the phone. I say it to you often because I mean it so sincerely: the students and those in your area are incredibly fortunate to have you and your amazing heart doing what you do so well.

I know what my blue-ink scribbling above means to me but don't know what it might mean to you. If there is any chance you're considering some sort of leadership position today or in the future, you have consistently and faithfully shown yourself to be an amazing servant.

Stay well and stay safe"