What is really important?

There is a lot of hype during testing season, especially in a K-12 building when ALL of the state tests have to be considered. Forward, NAEP, Aspire, ACT, etc. All of these things are rolling around in my brain right now! Worrying about accommodations for each test, how to pack the boxes for some, which students are sick or injured, and on and on... Do they not understand that I was dealing with major mental health/suicidal things with students just last night? And now testing? It makes me stumble back and wonder what is really important here?

Our school districts are judged based on test results, and funding can potentially be at stake. This is important, yes. But is all of this testing and test prep and stress really that important? I have been writing about my educational philosophy lately and when I write the common theme is ALWAYS about relationships. Relationships are the building blocks of helping students develop their futures. Relationships are key to creating collective efficacy among teachers and helping them to realize that their own perceptions of student achievement have more to do than almost anything they do throughout the day.

This is why I love being a counselor. I really feel like I get to focus on relationships .... when the job doesn't call for testing that is. And off to the testing grind.

Attitude Diet

If you haven't heard of Dr. Alan Zimmerman, you might want to consider looking him up. He has some great tips and tools for living our best lives. This week I am "on a diet." Well, not really, I don't do diets well. But this is different. It's an attitude diet. All credit to Dr. Z, but take a look at it below! It has created some great conversation at home, and my husband (and even my intern) are doing it with me. Today is day five for me and I've caught myself several times speaking in the negative! I think I need more Day Fives to get better at it. Best of luck to you on your diet!

Here it is:

Day 1: Feed Your Mind

Consciously feed your mind positive inputs. Read inspirational stories of people who have overcome great difficulties. Listen to motivational recordings. Fifteen minutes of this input will get your week off to a great start.

Day 2: See All the Good around You

Open your mind to all the wonderful things that happen around you. Take time to notice and appreciate them. Write down fifty wonderful things that happen to you on Day 2. Include everything, even the smallest things — such as finding a quarter on the sidewalk or receiving a cheery “Good morning” from a stranger on the street.

Day 3: Speak Words of Gratitude

Thankfulness lifts your spirits and builds your relationships. So take a walk outside and say out loud “Thank you ... Thank you ... Thank you” a thousand times. Whether you verbalize your thanks or simply think about the things for which you are thankful, whether you tell someone face-to-face or say it privately in your prayers, you need to verbalize your thankfulness. It’s one of the best things you can do for yourself, as well as for those around you.

Day 4: Think Positively About Yourself

Affirm yourself. Your affirmations can be as simple as “I like myself ... I believe in myself ... or ... I can do it.” Say them to yourself dozens of times throughout the day. They may be the most important words you’ll ever practice. And the more you say it the more you’ll feel it, believe it, and be it.

Day 5: Speak Only the Positive

Discipline yourself to speak only the positive—at least one day every week. Go out of your way to talk optimistically about everything – your job, your customers, your manager, your children, your health, and your future. Look for something you like and comment on it. Cut all the negative comments out of your conversations. It may the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but it will eventually put you in control of your attitude.

Day 6: Do Positive Things for Others

On a regular basis, but especially on the 6th day of your diet. It will give you the “Helper’s High,” which is the greatest of all stress relievers. When you help others, you get an immediate sense of warmth, energy, and euphoria, and you get a calmer sense of well-being long afterwards.

Day 7: Try Something New

Monotony destroys optimism. If you don’t use your brain and body in different ways occasionally, you will get old and negative very quickly. So on Day 7, try something new. Go to a museum. Interact with someone from a different generation. Walk through a new neighborhood. Check out a new shop. You’ll be surprised by how these activities can lift your spirits.

Love empowers.

This quote speaks for itself. How often do we come into a situation with a student and have our own preconceived notions about the family or the student alone? A fellow counselor was telling me this week that her new principal starts out all student concern meetings with her staff like this: "We are all here to support this student no matter what. This is a reminder that we will not talk about a child's family unless we are talking about how the family can help support the child." It was something to that effect. What a great way to shift the conversation toward the positive and also away from things that we cannot control.

What about love? Can simply loving someone help to empower them to become the best version of themselves? I hope so. I think so. I believe so.

People are good.

Sometimes we need others to help prompt us along into a more positive mindset or a shift in our energy. I do believe that the people in our lives are there for a purpose. Yesterday my administrator, after a while of chatting, finally said, "okay, now tell me something more positive." It was a good wakeup that I needed to shift my entire mindset. I had several things happen that morning that shifted my vibe, so to speak, and I was letting it get to me. What a great thing to have a leader who asks the right questions. 

Another time I needed a shift was a few years ago when I was in the doctors office. There were a lot of things going on in my world when I noticed the picture and poem below on the wall. What a perfect reminder that I am on my way - as a school counselor and as a human. We're all evolving, right? I'm working on it! 

Today, after working really hard this morning to make sure I was off on the right foot, I had a few more reminders. One student, when talking about how they spent their new years eve said this: "Sometimes if I can, I stay up late until midnight and me and my brother stand on one foot. Then we know for sure that the new year is going to start on the right foot!" I loved this! Right after, I came back to my office to an email (shown below) that really made me reflect on all the good in the world. People are good. This world is good. I needed some positive reflection and a positive resolution to start this year and I am eternally grateful for those who give me the little shoves I need to do so! What is your resolution this year?

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"It's been a while since my last email. I hope things are going well for you at work and at home. This might seem weird, but you are part of the group of people I pray for every Friday morning and during my time this morning, God prompted me to reach out to you.

I read through several different things this morning trying to figure out what God wanted to say to you through me. Nothing was registering. Then as I was packing up my laptop I ran across some of my old scribblings on a crumpled up half sheet of paper. Among several things written in black ink was the following written in blue ink:

"Don't promote to leaders someone who hasn't shown to be a good servant."

I've admired your servant spirit from the very first time we talked on the phone. I say it to you often because I mean it so sincerely: the students and those in your area are incredibly fortunate to have you and your amazing heart doing what you do so well.

I know what my blue-ink scribbling above means to me but don't know what it might mean to you. If there is any chance you're considering some sort of leadership position today or in the future, you have consistently and faithfully shown yourself to be an amazing servant.

Stay well and stay safe"

Free positive thoughts...

Anyone else ever experience the "Christmas Crescendo"? Leading up to the holiday break, it seems that students are often off their rocker. Parents are too. Everyone is. I have long ago stopped asking the question, "are you excited for break?" Instead I find myself prodding a bit to see how they are feeling about the break and asking things like, "does your family do gifts at all?" Or, "how can you keep busy over the break?" I would venture a guess to say that the majority of students I work with closely do not look forward to having this much time off of school. In turn, there is a lot of acting up, reaching out, emotional things happening right now. Routines are shifted and the most vulnerable of our population is often impacted negatively.

This has all hit me so hard this year. I definitely needed a pick me up. In my old files I came across this sign that I had made once upon a time... FREE POSITIVE THOUGHTS. What a concept! I knew I needed something, so I added more positive thoughts to the bottom and sent out an invite to my staff! Come one, come all!

If your holiday season is one that you enjoy, I hope it is everything you hope for this year. If not, please know that we "feel ya." One step at a time. Sending out love into the world in hopes it hits those who need it most this holiday.

The little things...

It felt as though the day and week were dragging on. In the middle of touching base with several different students I had some freshmen stop by quickly, with excited tones, to say that they were doing something positive. I halfway blew them off because of the other things I was in the middle of doing. After a while, I came out of my office and noticed that these students had canvased all of the lockers with positive notes. Kids are so amazing. If we empower them to do good, they will do good. 

"You are amazing, intelligent, appreciated, beautiful! Happy Friday!"

Relationships are key.

This year I have been blessed to meet and work with some new educators who really "get it," if you know what I mean. When you meet one of them - one of those who "get it," it is SO refreshing. A newfound respect for the good ones emerges. I am beyond thankful to have the opportunity to work with such amazing colleagues. How do you build relationships with students? It's worth a ponder...