The gift of your attention

What truth to this statement. Rather than turning to a recent email, answering a phone call or thinking about other things, what about giving our full attention to our students every moment we have them with us? I know I have written about this before, but it is so critical. Our students are watching our every move. Whether we're bugging them to complete a scholarship application, developing their character education, running a small group, holding a club meeting at lunch or asking about grades... if we can do all of those things while also keeping in mind that they need our full attention, then we have succeeded! It's a big task, and takes a lot of focus, but I think I'm up for the challenge today. What about you?

Negative emotions are okay too...

As a school counselor, it is easy for me to get wrapped up in trying to fix things all of the time. Staff members want me to take a kid and send them back "fixed" too. It's everywhere! How important to remember that negative emotions can teach us a LOT about our students. AND - negative emotions are okay!

Just this morning I had two students having meltdowns at the same time. One of them scowled, and even growled at me in the hallway, and then he said, "I'm just SO MAD." Without even thinking, I said, "that's okay, but do you want to take a walk with us?" He replied, "but I'm so mad!" I just said again, "that's okay, but do you want to take a walk with us?" The student was caught off guard and stood up to start walking. He stayed back a bit for a while, and then came closer because he wanted to tell me, "after we walk for a while can I tell you why I am mad?" :) I like moments like these - and especially like reflecting on them. In hindsight, I would have done things a bit differently, but this part worked. We did process why he was mad and also role played how he could ask for what he wants instead of getting mad. I think it would have been even more powerful to talk about why being mad is an okay thing, and that sometimes we need to get mad... when appropriate.

On another, similar note, it is important to remember that the actions of our students are almost always because of an antecedent. Negative emotions can, and do tell us something about our students if we listen close enough! The other student that happened to be walking with us was upset because his "neck hurt." Upon review from the nurse, we knew that it wasn't actually a neck problem. The boy was creating an issue in the hopes that he'd be sent home. After talking with him for quite some time, we found out that yes, he does want to be out of school because if he is out of school, then "the people will come take him away from home." Sadly, this is something he wants to have happen. Of course there is more to it, but it breaks my heart. It was so important to investigate this "hurting neck" more in order to get the root of the negative emotion.

"Don't ignore or cover up negative emotions. Even the negative emotions are there to tell you something."

Wonder and Awe

What if all educators made it their primary goal to create wonder and awe in our students? Are those two things that you can even create in someone? Lets sit with that for a moment and think... can we instill wonder and awe in others? I would like to think so! May we all make it our greatest challenge to take even the hardest of children and show them what it means to sit in awe at something; let us show them what it means to wonder about something beyond themselves. Isn't this what creating a love of learning is all about!? Check it out:

Assuming the best...

Many years ago I went to a conference and the major thing that I took away from it was one tiny phrase - not even a sentence, that I wrote down in my notebook: "assume good intentions of each-other." After that I wrote myself a little to-do list and number six on that list is, "assume good intentions of all staff." I like to think that I have gotten really great at this over the years, but the truth is that I often slip up. Sometimes I get caught up in the false assumption that one of my colleagues is doing something because they are mean or they are trying to not value others. What a silly thought. Do we really think that our colleagues, other teachers, other humans who went into the education field to work with and help students learn... do we really think that they would INTENTIONALLY do something to hurt our students or their fellow co-workers? Lets be real here. We all can have moments of selfishness. We all can have reactions to circumstances that, upon reflection, don't make us proud. We are all human.

I love the Brene Brown quote above. I think it is SO important to remember that we're all in this together. What good does it do to assume that others are intentionally making bad decisions or poor choices in how they work their classroom or the master schedule or behavior interventions? Seriously. What good does that do? Can you think of anything? I cannot.