Free positive thoughts...

Anyone else ever experience the "Christmas Crescendo"? Leading up to the holiday break, it seems that students are often off their rocker. Parents are too. Everyone is. I have long ago stopped asking the question, "are you excited for break?" Instead I find myself prodding a bit to see how they are feeling about the break and asking things like, "does your family do gifts at all?" Or, "how can you keep busy over the break?" I would venture a guess to say that the majority of students I work with closely do not look forward to having this much time off of school. In turn, there is a lot of acting up, reaching out, emotional things happening right now. Routines are shifted and the most vulnerable of our population is often impacted negatively.

This has all hit me so hard this year. I definitely needed a pick me up. In my old files I came across this sign that I had made once upon a time... FREE POSITIVE THOUGHTS. What a concept! I knew I needed something, so I added more positive thoughts to the bottom and sent out an invite to my staff! Come one, come all!

If your holiday season is one that you enjoy, I hope it is everything you hope for this year. If not, please know that we "feel ya." One step at a time. Sending out love into the world in hopes it hits those who need it most this holiday.

The little things...

It felt as though the day and week were dragging on. In the middle of touching base with several different students I had some freshmen stop by quickly, with excited tones, to say that they were doing something positive. I halfway blew them off because of the other things I was in the middle of doing. After a while, I came out of my office and noticed that these students had canvased all of the lockers with positive notes. Kids are so amazing. If we empower them to do good, they will do good. 

"You are amazing, intelligent, appreciated, beautiful! Happy Friday!"

Relationships are key.

This year I have been blessed to meet and work with some new educators who really "get it," if you know what I mean. When you meet one of them - one of those who "get it," it is SO refreshing. A newfound respect for the good ones emerges. I am beyond thankful to have the opportunity to work with such amazing colleagues. How do you build relationships with students? It's worth a ponder...

Kids do well if they wanna? Say What?

What is your philosophy? I have talked with even the very best of teachers who fall into the "kids do well if they wanna" trap. It is so easy to think this way, especially if we have kids standing in front of us telling us they "DON'T WANT TO DO WELL" or they "DON'T CARE." Sound familiar? I'm a firm believer that there's more to the story. There's more to all of this behavior we see on the outside. Kids need us to not give up. They need us to advocate and care and love and support. They need us not to judge. They just need us.

Busyness...

How many of you set new school year goals? I have too many to count, but the personal one that I have been struggling with already on the 4th day of school is to "be less busy." I know that sounds ridiculous, but I mean it. We spend so much of our lives being "SO BUSY" and I really do not think that is necessary. Yes. You heard it right. I do not think it is necessary, even in a fast-paced school environment, to be busy all of the time! Being too busy is stealing our ability to connect, to reflect and to breathe - all of THE most important things we do in a school.

What we often forget is that our students notice us. They notice all the little, and big, things that we do every day. I like to say that "every day is a job shadow" for our students. They are watching how teachers go about their work. And these moments with each student matter. Every single one of them matters. I love this article (below) that said it best when it stated, "There is a whole eternity present inside each of these moments, these breaths, in which we are truly present. And there is a thief that robs the grace inside these moments. That thief is scatteredness, busyness." Here is where that comes from: The Thief of Intimacy .

I took a step back to think about whether or not my busyness was robbing me of moments with my students and the answer was a resounding YES! That means I have work to do, and it is so possible. My goal is broken down into things like this:

1. Walk slower in the halls - you don't need to practically run everywhere!
2. Make sure your body language doesn't scream "I'm busy!"
3. Smile more (I have a case of the RBF - look it up ;))
4. Keep your desk clear and neat so the "scatteredness" isn't shining through
5. Breathe. Take more deep breaths to reset your brain.
6. Spend less time on emails/computer work, it can wait.
7. Answer the question "How's it going?" with positive remarks about the day - Never, never say things like "Oh, it's going." or "I'm busy!"

To name a few. :)

How are you going to cherish the important moments with your students this year? What's your strategy to be less busy? I'll take all the advice I can get! Remember, connecting, reflecting and breathing - that is the real work. The important work.

Grow.

Have you had this conversation with a student lately? Or maybe with yourself? I know I have, several times today even. I love this little reminder, especially as Spring has finally decided to show up. What a great way to re-set, breathe and grow a little. Let's take a moment to put aside the Winter blues and the muddy thoughts to help bring the positive aspects of Spring to the forefront. That. Is. All.

Choose your life.

This week, with some little ones, I posed the question, "do we get to choose our future career?" It was extremely interesting to hear their responses; it typically went like this: "Yessss... Noooo.... Well... Maybe...." You could see the wheels turning in their minds when they first thought, "YES!" and then when they thought of a parent or friend who has a job they do not like or want to do, they thought, "NO!" Almost all of them had a story of someone who does not like a career path and did not choose it, yet all of them also said that THEY want to choose their own career someday. Of course we do! We had great discussion about what went into being able to choose your own career and also why some people end up in careers they do not want to do. I originally did not think that the initial question was going to induce so much discussion and thought.

Don't you love those moments? The times when you take one simple little thing and turn it into a grand, and unplanned, learning experience? Here's to Friday and here's to choosing our own lives!

The gift of your attention

What truth to this statement. Rather than turning to a recent email, answering a phone call or thinking about other things, what about giving our full attention to our students every moment we have them with us? I know I have written about this before, but it is so critical. Our students are watching our every move. Whether we're bugging them to complete a scholarship application, developing their character education, running a small group, holding a club meeting at lunch or asking about grades... if we can do all of those things while also keeping in mind that they need our full attention, then we have succeeded! It's a big task, and takes a lot of focus, but I think I'm up for the challenge today. What about you?

Negative emotions are okay too...

As a school counselor, it is easy for me to get wrapped up in trying to fix things all of the time. Staff members want me to take a kid and send them back "fixed" too. It's everywhere! How important to remember that negative emotions can teach us a LOT about our students. AND - negative emotions are okay!

Just this morning I had two students having meltdowns at the same time. One of them scowled, and even growled at me in the hallway, and then he said, "I'm just SO MAD." Without even thinking, I said, "that's okay, but do you want to take a walk with us?" He replied, "but I'm so mad!" I just said again, "that's okay, but do you want to take a walk with us?" The student was caught off guard and stood up to start walking. He stayed back a bit for a while, and then came closer because he wanted to tell me, "after we walk for a while can I tell you why I am mad?" :) I like moments like these - and especially like reflecting on them. In hindsight, I would have done things a bit differently, but this part worked. We did process why he was mad and also role played how he could ask for what he wants instead of getting mad. I think it would have been even more powerful to talk about why being mad is an okay thing, and that sometimes we need to get mad... when appropriate.

On another, similar note, it is important to remember that the actions of our students are almost always because of an antecedent. Negative emotions can, and do tell us something about our students if we listen close enough! The other student that happened to be walking with us was upset because his "neck hurt." Upon review from the nurse, we knew that it wasn't actually a neck problem. The boy was creating an issue in the hopes that he'd be sent home. After talking with him for quite some time, we found out that yes, he does want to be out of school because if he is out of school, then "the people will come take him away from home." Sadly, this is something he wants to have happen. Of course there is more to it, but it breaks my heart. It was so important to investigate this "hurting neck" more in order to get the root of the negative emotion.

"Don't ignore or cover up negative emotions. Even the negative emotions are there to tell you something."

Wonder and Awe

What if all educators made it their primary goal to create wonder and awe in our students? Are those two things that you can even create in someone? Lets sit with that for a moment and think... can we instill wonder and awe in others? I would like to think so! May we all make it our greatest challenge to take even the hardest of children and show them what it means to sit in awe at something; let us show them what it means to wonder about something beyond themselves. Isn't this what creating a love of learning is all about!? Check it out:

Assuming the best...

Many years ago I went to a conference and the major thing that I took away from it was one tiny phrase - not even a sentence, that I wrote down in my notebook: "assume good intentions of each-other." After that I wrote myself a little to-do list and number six on that list is, "assume good intentions of all staff." I like to think that I have gotten really great at this over the years, but the truth is that I often slip up. Sometimes I get caught up in the false assumption that one of my colleagues is doing something because they are mean or they are trying to not value others. What a silly thought. Do we really think that our colleagues, other teachers, other humans who went into the education field to work with and help students learn... do we really think that they would INTENTIONALLY do something to hurt our students or their fellow co-workers? Lets be real here. We all can have moments of selfishness. We all can have reactions to circumstances that, upon reflection, don't make us proud. We are all human.

I love the Brene Brown quote above. I think it is SO important to remember that we're all in this together. What good does it do to assume that others are intentionally making bad decisions or poor choices in how they work their classroom or the master schedule or behavior interventions? Seriously. What good does that do? Can you think of anything? I cannot.

What you think about, you bring about...

I love this thought that "whatever we put out into the universe, we get back." It makes total sense when we think about it with a sound mind, but what about when we are in a funk or a negative state of mind that we just cannot seem to shake? Asking for a friend (haha, but I seriously am). If we are looking at this idea or quote through a negative lens, do we really get it? Can we really get it? How can we help others see that the energy they are expending is coming right back at them - whether it is negative or positive?

It is funny that when we are "doing" self-care or reflection, whether that be writing or talking or thinking, we are looking for answers, but what usually happens is that we come away with questions. Hopefully that means we are doing it right.

For today anyway, in order to help my friend, I am going to focus on putting out good energy into this world. Maybe that energy will show, or maybe not. But it will definitely radiate and bring about positivity in my own world. What we think about, we bring about... I'm up for the challenge. And here's to getting my friend to be up for it as well!

Opening minds to the world...

So many times, lately, my "WHY" has popped up and hit me right in the face. My "why," meaning the reason WHY I do what I do. We all have a "why." What is yours? Well, mine just so happens to be this: you know that feeling you get when one of your students all of a sudden has an "ah ha" moment?" My why is about that, but then I take it a step further. My "why" is when a student has a "light-bulb moment" when their mind gets opened up to a broader, more accepting and tolerant world. 

I left a job in a big school district to come to a small, rural area for a reason. I didn't know that reason completely when I left, but it has been slowly revealed day by day. My "why" comes about often here. What a blessing (in disguise, of course). Don't forget to look for your "whys" every day!